ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
