How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
