He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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