people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
