You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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