Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
