Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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