Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
