Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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