No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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