watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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