Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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