why didn't you poke me back
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
