my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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