I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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