i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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