He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
