Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
