Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My vagina just recognized that song.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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