Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
