I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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