Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
