You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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