the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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