I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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