I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
