this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I pour the whiskey from now on
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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