If i come over, it means nothing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
