remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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