Screwed.edu
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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