he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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