Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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