Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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