He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
