just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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