I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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