I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
