He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize