My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
