YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
