I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
