I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
