Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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