Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
