It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
