So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
