i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
