So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
