I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
