How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
