i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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