Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
