dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
