But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
