He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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