i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
