i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
