Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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