I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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