Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
