I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
