I can't watch pbs sober anymore
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
