I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are two peas in an std pod
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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