There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If that was your dad, he is hot
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
