my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
