next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
