things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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