Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
