what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
