I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
