Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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