No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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