So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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