I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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