Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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