and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
