I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
