you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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